It's all in your gratitude

Without going into too much detail and getting myself all worked up, let's just say this: The last few years have been challenging for many reasons. There's been a lot of negativity in my life, which has really impacted the way I feel and the way I've been living. Recently, I realized that I'm the only one who can fix this. (Duh!) And I'm desperate. I need to turn things around. I need to be my old, happy, glass-half-full self again. And I'm committed to doing this—for me, for my kids. My first step = this gratitude journal.

There is so much good in my life, and that's what I'm choosing to focus on. Sure, everyone has bad days, but I'm hoping that this can be a repository and a reminder of all the things I have to be thankful for. Moving forward, I'd like to write daily (or at least a few times a week) about all of the good, little, day-to-day things that happen. But, there are big things, too. So for my first post, I'm going to 1) make a list of the big things and 2) jot down a few of the small things from the last few days. Here goes!

The big things (in no particular order except for #1)

1. I have two smart, amazing, healthy, happy little girls. (Just look at those smiles!) They bring more joy to my life than I ever thought possible. They teach me, they challenge me, they surprise me every day. I don't think I really even knew what love meant until I became their mother. They are everything I have ever wanted and more.
2. I have a comfortable home, plenty of food, a safe car, clothes, and lots of other STUFF.
3. We live in a good town/community with good schools. Education is extremely important to me and the girls—at ages 2 and 6—are already excelling.
4. I have parents who love me and support me unconditionally. They have taught me what family means and they have been amazing models as far as parenting goes. I've told them before, the only way I can ever repay them is to do my best to give to my daughters all that they've given to me. And honestly, those are really big shoes to fill.
5. I have amazing friends. They listen to me, they guide me, they lift me up. Some I've made recently, some I've known all my life.
6. I have an amazing extended family. I don't know anyone who is as close to their aunts, uncles, and cousins as I am.
7. I have a very special sister who has taught me many important lessons: patience, honesty, humbleness, diligence, kindness, and genuineness—just to name a few.
8. I have hobbies that make me happy—reading, writing, baking, shopping, party planning, spending time with family & friends, playing games, playing with my electronic gadgets (phone, iPad, Kindle).
9. I have an interesting job at a company I like. Every job has its moments, including mine, but for the most part, I like what I do and the people that I work with. My job is also flexible and relatively stable (knock on wood) and I'm able to provide my family with a steady income and benefits.
10. I have some very wonderful professionals who are counseling me through this difficult time and, well, it's helping.

The little (and not so little) things

1. Emma got a 100% on her first spelling test. She was very proud.
2. I found the sapphire I lost from my great aunt's ring (Saturday). A true needle in a haystack story!
3. Some other moms and I recently started a book club. We've had two meetings so far. I love the third book we're reading.
4. A good friend who recently had a mastectomy is cancer-free. She has her last reconstructive surgery tomorrow.
5. The chemo my uncle with esophageal cancer is receiving is working. He's currently undergoing his last round of treatment (for now).
6. My troubled uncle in Phoenix finally came home (last weekend). He is admitting that he's in trouble and is accepting the help his siblings have offered.
7. A new season of Survivor started and Andrew agreed to watch it with me—just like old times.
8. The teacher who was making Lindsay unhappy got let go yesterday. The (temporary) replacement is one of Lindsay's favorites.
9. I used a vacation day to go on Emma's apple picking field trip yesterday. The weather was perfect and the kids were amazing.
10. A good friend of mine (who has suffered multiple losses, including her 3-week-old son) just found out she's pregnant again.
11. I've lost about 15 pounds in the last three weeks. Many more to go, but a good enough start to keep me motivated.

Perhaps I'll add to these lists over the next few days, but for now, this is a good place to start, I think. Do these lists change everything? No. But they do help with the big picture. I am lucky. I appreciate what I have. And I give thanks.